It’s Time to Bring Back the Great American Campfire

“Red Tribe, are you re-….” (voice goes faint; inaudible)

Did you just hear something?

“Blue Tribe, are you re-…” (voice goes faint; inaudible)

I definitely just heard something… is it? Smh, no it can’t be…, but could it? OMG IT IS!!

JEFF PROBST!!

And that can only mean one thing ladies and gentlemen…SURVIVOR. IS. BACK!!

Yes you heard me right – SURVIVOR. You know that show you used to watch back in like 4th grade? It’s still around, and it’s about to kick off its 36th season.

I know you’re probably saying to yourself, “Matt, get with it, this show’s as old as bones. I don’t “do” reality shows. Save me the nostalgia ride and give me the next Narcos.” And THAT ladies and gentlemen is where you are wrong. The show you want is right here. It’s always been here and its never left. We’ve just left it behind, like Andy to Woody in Toy Story 3. Survivor is that show! It always has been. And it’s time to recognize that again. I remember I was once a non-believer… I doubted Jeff’s greatness. Gave little chance that a show so old, so long in the tooth could maintain such a level of excellence after so many years. But then I was converted…just like you are about to be tonight, 8pm Eastern/7pm Central on CBS. Blown back in my chair by the intensity of tribal council. Eyes glued to the screen during immunity challenges. 15 minutes into the premiere of Season 35 I was back in a familiar place…a place I haven’t been in quite some time. A place called home. Ya see, ever since the dawn of the new millennium, we as Americans have gotten away from the basics. Made things too fancy; over complicated the simple things. We had all the answers but refused to accept it. Nothing could be truer than in the world of reality TV. We’ve lost sight of what that really is and how fun it once was. Survivor used to bring a level of excitement to our lives- “Jessica! Did you catch Survivor last night?! I can’t believe Jake broke the alliance and teamed up with Michelle! ‘Chelle’s a bitch! What a loser, that’s gunna bite him the ass later on for sure.” You’d talk for HOURS about the moves you had just witnessed the night before with your classmates and fellow employees… Would you have made that same decision as Joe? Where could the hidden immunity idol be? Was voting Lizzy out at tribal the right call? You couldn't wait to talk Survivor! The conversations were endless and it made life fun. We weren’t concerned with what kale salad Kourtney K had on a Tuesday… Or why Rosanne stuck with Trevor after having a baby at 13 even though she had her whole life in front of her… These were real tactical decisions with real story lines we were talking about. Something we could immerse ourselves in, and better yet? Something we as a community could get behind. Those were the glory days, and I’m here now ladies and gentlemen to tell you that those glory days are still here. We just need to open our eyes to it. It's time to get back to the Great American Campfire - Survivor.​

So without further ado…let’s dive into the dirty detes!

Disclaimer: for all our seasoned Survivor vets, skip this portion of the article and move straight to my Season Predictions. No need for me to tell you stuff you already know.

For those of you hoping back on board, there’s nothing to worry about. The game is the same (why fix something that aint broke?)- 20 civilians, ya know, regular hard working Americans have been selected to compete on the island of Fiji. Split evenly into teams of 10 (five girls, five guys), each tribe, as they call them, will compete in a series of mental and physical challenges each day. The kicker? The tribe that loses that day’s challenge must vote off a member of their tribe in a drama filled, smack talking event known as Tribal. This format will continue to run until about 13 Survivors remain. Once that happens both tribes will “merge” and create one mega tribe. And that’s when all hell breaks loose. Human’s finest social game emerges as the game becomes every man for themselves. Alliances form, feelings are hurt, and deals are made as each contestant creates their own form of strategy in order to survive and make it to the Final 3. Once the Final 3 has been determined (through a series of immunity challenges and chaotic tribal councils), the remaining contestants from the Merger (who were voted out to get to the final 3) are GATHERED TO DETERMINE the season’s winner as each of the Final 3 plead their case as to why they deserve to win. The stakes are high, the drama is thick, and the fight for survival has never been more real. It’s the greatest show on turf – Survivor Ghost Island.

Let’s meet our contestants: http://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/cast/

Immediately I know my favorites. Based on picture and the small amount of bio I’ve read for each cast member I’ve figured it out the winners from the L7 weenies, and with that, here are my Season 36 – Survivor Ghost island Predictions...

The No Shot in Hell's – these are the contestants I know have no chance. Being the social gamesmen I am, I can tell right from the start these goobers will be back in the States before Jeff can say Immunity Idol.

• Laurel Johnson. LJ you lost? Haha. You know this is Survivor right? Not Jeopardy. Trivia won’t help ya get the million here. You have to actually survive the wilderness. DUECES!

• Donathan Hurley. What the f**k is a “Donathan”? Right off the bat I can tell this guy has too many opinions. He’s gunna be too chatty and argue too much with his fellow tribe mates and it’s gunna get on peoples nerves. His background story of poverty and being openly gay certainly gives the audience something to cheer for, but I don’t see this guy having the grit needed to make it far. When the game's on the line and a hot meal and warm bath is at stake, can your tribe count on you Don? I vote no, DUECES!

• Kellyn Bechtold. I feel like I’ve seen this girl before… OH WAIT! THAT’S RIGHT! She used to sub at my elementary school (not really, but that’s what she looks like - substitute teacher-esc). I’m sure Kellyn has the biggest heart in the world. Career Counselor? Sounds like a stand up gal. Someone you’d wanna go to book club with. Maybe watch your children on date night. But you’re kidding yourself if you believe this lady's got the steal balls needed to last 3 months on an island with nothing but fish and rice balls to eat. DUECES!

• Chelsea Townsend. Chelce…I’d love to have faith in ya. An EMT and Pro Cheerleader? You sound like someone who’s ready to fight the odds. Be season 36’s underdog story…but that fair skin of yours has got you a one way ticket back to LA. Within 3 days I guarantee this girl is covered in 3rd degree burns. And trust me…I know burns. DUECES!

I’m sure you all expected me to pick Jacob Derwin…not so fast. Never judge a book by its cover ladies and gentlemen (but Matt you literally just did that…It’s literally your entire prediction), I expect big things out of my man Jake.

The Villains – Every show needs a good villain. Survivor’s no different. Here are the castaways I think will dabble with the dark side.

• Bradley Kleihege. Oh Braaaadd…don’t think I don’t see right through you. A law student from UCLA? More like a snake in the grass. Expect this rat to finagle his way through the game. Feasting on player's weaknesses and turning allies against each other. First victim? DEFINITELY Kellyn. Snakes like Brad love to manipulate the kind hearted. I expect a strong social game out of this one.

• Chris Noble. Look at that smile….I can see the slime dripping off him already. Contrary to his last name, Mr. Noble has come to this island for all the wrong reasons. This villainous castaway seems to have his eyes on a different kind of prize as he uses the “deserted island” narrative to his advantage. Why not right? It’s not like they’d say no…ya know, because of the “implication”.

The Dark Horses – these cast members might not fit your definition of “Survivor Champion”, but for one reason or another they’ll find their way deep in this race…whether you like them or not.

• Libby Vincek. Libby screams cute and adorable, and in life, that goes along way. Whether this castaway brings anything to the table in regards to challenges, be ready to deal with lots of Libby, because this chick’s gunna get a lot of passes based on nothing but looks alone.

• Jacob Derwin. Jake the Snake is my favorite player in this race. What he doesn’t bring in physical skill he’ll bring in social skill. A music teacher out of Brooklyn?? Who doesn’t love a good diddy around the fire on a cold island night? This guy’s a teddy bear! He’ll be loved by all. Get used to Jake, cause you’re gunna get A LOT of him.

(drum roll please)

Now it’s time for the heavy hitters. The money makers. The high rollers. The cast members I see as true contenders. Here are your…FINAL 3!

• Jenna Bowman. This chick looks legit. Her care free attitude and go-getter mentality will take JB to the top! The key to a good Survivor run is a great balance between physical and social skills and this chick looks like she has it all. Plus she said it herself- “If I want something, I get it.” Sold. If she says it, it must be true. Mix that with that advertising background and you got yourself a purebred champion. JB has my vote for the million. Lock It Up!

• Brendan Shapiro. Something about Brendan just says, “I got this”. You know that when you’re with

Brendan, everything’s gunna be okay. Look for “Shap’s” teaching background to give him the edge above the rest. Not only can he handle the heat, he can lead to. Sheesh…can this guy throw the pigskin too? Someone give Rick Spielman Brendan’s contact info. He might be the Vikes missing piece for a one way ticket to the promise land.

• Angela Perkins. This army vet means business. Angie’s taking no shit this season, and something tells me she backs up what she preaches- Excellence. Yo Jake, make sure you rub elbows with this one. Perkins’ is the player I want to form an alliance with.

There ya have it folks...the hot, juicy, probably right predictions for Season 36 of Survivor - Ghost Island. Join me on an adventure as we divulge this gold week by week and bring back THE GREAT AMERICAN CAMPFIRE!