The Degenerate Digest v.115

I’m not sure there’s a more appropriate intro than Madonna’s 1989 certified banger, Like a Prayer, to open up this Hateful Eight season of the Digest. Life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name, and it feels like home. Very poetic, very moving. Until you remember what happened to Madonna, and you throw up in your mouth a little.

I’m not gonna sugar coat it, I fucking sucked last year. Some say The Digest is dead, my best days are behind me. The pimple poppers in Vegas have put the knife to the throat of Mr. 60%. And now with AI moving lines at the speed of light with more predictive outcomes than a Kamala Harris campaign speech, the challenge is even more daunting. Life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone.

This year’s Week 0 slate is… not great. But we’re going to do what we can with it. I hear you call my name, and it feels like home. We have work to do, every game matters. Just like a prayer, you know I’ll take you there.

(10) Florida State @ Georgia Tech: Florida State -11.5, Under 55.5

Ah yes, the Ireland game. A time when American tourists from both fan bases flood the pubs of Dublin for pints of Guinness and shots of Jaemo. I have always heard, particularly around St. Patty’s Day here in the states, that our Irish celebrations are different than that of what actually takes place in the homeland. Buddy, it ain’t. I’ve been to Dublin, it’s a city with bars that you can drink at. Very similar to cities in America with bars that you can drink at. Maybe the Guinness is slightly better, and the attention to detail on how to run a good bar is taken more seriously, but come on. What are we talking about - stereotypes exist for a reason. 

I digress - Week 0 people, I haven't blogged in 7 months

The ACC opens up with a decent match up, the best of Week 0 by far, that should provide enough entertainment value to get us ready for the season ahead. Florida State is basically on a revenge tour after being snubbed from the playoff last season, and Georgia Tech is a team looking to build. I expect both teams to struggle early offensively, but once they remember to run the ball, space will start to exist again in the form of the reloaded Florida State receiving core. The second half will have some pops, and the Seminoles will start their revenge tour off with a decent dub in Dublin.

Final Score: Florida State 35, Georgia Tech 17

Montana State @ New Mexico: New Mexico +13.5

Tough, tough look here for a New Mexico squad opening up at home against an FCS team and being 13.5 point dogs. I feel bad for them. That’s really the only reason for this pick. Full on reset button for the Lobos new era under Bronco Mendenhall. And let’s be honest, it’s not everyday FCS teams come and lay any kind of beat down on superior FBS talent. Sure, the ‘team’ might be better, but individual talent still means something and there is a reason for New Mexico’s moves in the portal this summer. My guys are better than your guys. Quite comfortable with the points here, perhaps even a sprinkle on NM Outright.

Final Score: New Mexico 27, Montana State 24

SMU @ Nevada: Over 55.5

Welcome to the ACC, Southern Methodist. The Mustangs are coming off a conference championship and exit from the American with a 12-2 record, and guess what - this team is even better. Some people believe that SMU can be an immediate contender for the ACC title this season. I’m not sure I believe that, but what better way to set expectations accordingly to the oil money, god loving (or fearing?), toilet baby donors than by beating up on a Nevada team that has a combined record of 4-20 in their last 2 seasons. 0 to 60 from a Mustang is cake, and this game might be similar on the scoreboard.

Final Score: SMU 60, Nevada 0

Delaware State @ Hawaii: Hawaii -39.5

Just adhering to protocol here. Gotta play the hits. Always bet on the Rainbow Warriors first home game. Apparently Delaware State missed their flights to the Islands earlier this week, throwing their schedules off even more. As if it could get worse for a 12am ET kickoff.

Final Score: Hawaii 54, Delaware State 3

The Premium Member Tickle Teaser will start Week One. Welcome back you sick fucks.

Running Record: (240-214-7)