The Degenerate Digest v.139

The amount of you offering jackets, water bottles, body wash, Uber Eats discount codes, etc. - concerning. Not in the sense that I know it all fell off the back of a truck. Just in the idea that you’re all flipping shit meant for teenage girls. Back in my day, you know - when the first Fast and Furious movies came out, of course - it was all about DVD players and PS3’s. This, however, is like when Dwight tried to corner the market on a Barbie doll. 

Don’t worry you sorry scum, this isn’t about any ‘free goods’. I don’t want your money - I especially don’t want your Barbie doll (unless it’s a life size Margot Robbie). I want to make sure you can pay not just your mortgage - but your electric, water, and weekly 36-rack stipend too.

22-3 on the year? Most are asking - when will it go wrong? I’m saying… 

Week 4!

(17) Texas Tech @ (16) Utah: Utah -3.5

Devon Dampier is a Heisman candidate. Not really much else behind this pick. Neither of teams have played anyone relevant. They're both 3-0. Something’s gotta give. While I believe in the Red Raiders recruiting strategy, it still needs more time. Let DD do what most guys want DD’s to do. Bounce, drive, etc. 

Final Score: Utah 28, Texas Tech 21

Arkansas @ Memphis: Alt Line Parlay, Arkansas -2.5 - Over 49.5

Arkansas is off to a hawt hawt hawt start. And I heard nothing but bad things about Memphis this offseason, regardless of their 3-0 start. Just look at the matchup history here. Razorbacks took Hotty Toddy to the brink, Memphis beat.. Troy? 

Final Score: Arkansas 31, Memphis 27

South Carolina @ (23) Missouri: South Carolina +10.5

Is this the last time I can bet on LaNorris Sellers? I don’t believe so. Hence why I’m taking the points that dipshits in the desert are giving me. Because I said that, this is basically a loss. But listen - it might be the last time I can bet on LaNorris Sellers. I don’t believe that, but Santa Clause isn’t real either, sorry kids. 

PS: It would also be very Penn State for Beau Pribula to be a dude.

Final Score: Missouri 34, South Carolina 27

 (9) Illinois @ (19) Indiana: Alt Line Parlay, Indiana ML - Under 63.5 

‘There is no I in team’ is bullshit. Both of these teams have I’s. But do they have eyes? I hope so. Imagine being blind and playing in the Big Ten? That would not be fun. But it would be funny to see. But only if you have eyes, and weren't blind.

Final Score: Indiana 28, Illinois 21 

BYU @ ECU: BYU -6.5

I think BYU is a top 20 team, they should be ranked. I think they think that too. Think about it. Let it soak.

Final Score: BYU 24, ECU 17

omg. Joey digest. Where is Oklahoma/Auburn? Where is Florida/Miami? 

Do I have to do everything for you? Sheesh… DM’s are open. #PremiumMemberTickleTeaser

Running Record: (332-268-7)