The Degenerate Digest v.141

Ah, yes. The start of fall. Time to sell all the things most people wanted to buy this summer. Alabama being dead, James Franklin still not able to win the big one, Ohio State not being the same since Ryan Day got his Natty Nipple Ring (or NNR, it’s replacing the previously government funded NPR). All the usual stuff, of course. 

If there’s one thing I can tell you’s all (need to incorporate my southern audience these days people, I’m getting too known), it’s that the field is wiiiiiiiiide open. Teams we thought were, are not. Teams we thought wasn’t, could be. I would like to credit my family's history in Sumpter, South Carolina for this paragraph. It’s really gone great. 

Anyone that tells you anything about how any of this is going to shake out is a dunce. There’s no way of telling. Week by week. We had last week covered. And we’ll have this week covered two (do not recommend cover two in the ACC these days).

Shoutout to you dedicated dip sticks that rode the #PremiumMemberTickleTeaser, our first hit of the season. If you didn’t ride, well, you look like a dip stick right now. Don’t be a dip stick again. 

Wisconsin @ (20) Michigan: Michigan -17.5

Do ya cussin remeber what I told you about Wisconsin a few weeks back? They might not win 5 cussin games this season. Badgers down cussin bad. They cussin stink. And if Bryce Underwood wants to get any kind of cussin momentum going this season, today is the day in the cussin Big House.

Final Score: Michigan 34, Wisconsin 13

Clemson @ North Carolina: 1H Clemson –7.5, Clemson 1H Team Total O16.5, Clemson -14.5

I am deeming this the Dabo legacy game. You got this all time college football head coach, traditional as fuck, with the chance to come out of a bye week and flip the script on the horrendous start to this season when so so SO many people looked at this program as a national championship favorite - and stick it to Bill Big Titty Belichek in a battle of the Carolinas. I’m going full send on the Tigers today. Betting the house, as they say. If these picks do not cover, and Dabo continues the dolt trend he’s currently on, I will be sending an email to his church that he will need to miss a few months of donation checks because he will need to be buying me a new house. Bet responsibly.

Final Score: Clemson.

(16) Vanderbilt @ (10) Alabama: Alt Line Parlay, Alabama -6.5 - Over 45.5

Yes. You did read this pick correctly. It is not a figment of your imagination. I am back on my alt line parlay bullshit. You know who is also back on their bullshit? Diego Pavia. Dude is a baller. With that said, it does appear the Crimson Tide have something going here. And this is a revenge game from last year's major upset. I think Alabama is going to have something to say early, and with the fiery nature of Pavia’s play, he might try forcing it rather than being a game manager. Roll muthafuckin Tide. 

Final Score: Alabama 32, Vanderbilt 17

Boise State @ (21) Notre Dame: Notre Dame -21.5, Notre Dame Team Total O41.5

Everybody look out. Here comes the Fuck You Tour from Notre Dame. Did you see what they did to Arkansas last weekend? Shitpumping is the warmest description out there. Call me a square for this one if it doesn't hit. But back home on the first fall Saturday in South Bend? They might cover the 62.5 total themselves today. Touchdown Jesus will certainly be smiling. 

Final Score: Notre Dame 63, Boise State 0

(3) Miami @ (18) Florida State: Over 53.5 

Florida State just gave up 46 to forking Virginia.

Miami’s defense hasn’t seen an offense like the Seminoles quite yet, so I don’t expect them to be as dominant as they have been in recent weeks. It’s not that hard, people.

Final Score: Miami 32, Florida State 27

Do we go for two? Of course we go for two. Who would ever be happy with just one? #PremiumMemberTickleTeaser is live. DMs are open. 

Running Record: (337-273-7)