The Degenerate Digest v.158
Everyone and their mother lost last week. Big whoop. It happens. I am getting a little concerned that the reverse line movement data I once was able to trust, is effectively useless with how lines open preseason. But only a little concerned. Every line made sense, the performance on the field just didn’t translate an inch or two more. Shit, even the #PremiumMemberTickleTeaser only lost by a 6 point margin on a 9-leg smack-a-roonie-doonie.
We’re settling in. We take our medicine, and move on. It’d be a real shame if I switched the subject off my 1-4 week only to focus on how lame duck Oregon is. 2025 Penn State all over again. Laughing stock. They basically have to beat USC next week if they want to make the playoff. How dumb do you have to be to root for that team? A certain kinda person lemme tell ya. Probably an 0-5 gambler last week. Couldn’t be me.
Week Three has the attention on few, but the eyeballs of many. Let’s get into it mang.
Florida State @ (10) Alabama: Alabama -19.5
A revenge game from last season. Bama was the laughing stock of college football a year ago today because of that loss. Kalen DeBoer ain’t gonna let that happen again. Also, Florida State sucks. Bad. Athletic Director got canned after the stadium lights incident on Labor Day, and Mike Norvell is probably next when he gets 50 pieced in Tuscaloosa.
Final Score: Alabama 50, Florida State 0
Florida @ Auburn: Florida -2.5, Under 53.5
Woah, that’s weird. Both major Florida programs are playing on the road against both major Alabama programs? This is like a mandala effect situation where instead of Cruise by Florida Georgia Line is a 2012 banger, it’s actually Coast by Bama Florida Edge. Makes you think.
Final Score: Florida 27, Auburn 24
(7) LSU @ (8) Ole Miss: LSU ML
I don’t give a singular fuck about the people I already know will be in the comments about me locking up a -146. I’m allowed to do this after the truly awful outcome of taking Texas -1.5 only for them to have an instant classic comeback to win by 1.
Apparently the governor of Louisiana has requested the military to step in for security with Lane Kiffin in this game. Come on man. Last time this happened we had bottles of mustard and rangeballs being fired toward the sideline. The military clearly is not enough. Only Swayze in Roadhouse could put up the proper defenses to what’s going to happen in Oxford. Nothing else is going to stop the Ole Miss faithful with a collective 1.8 average GPA. You think TikTok inspired Teen Takeovers are bad? What do you get when thousands of people who only have generational wealth because their great-great-great grandfathers bought 50 acres of land for $34.95 come together and join forces? Chaos.
Just kidding. Nothing. You get nothing. Ole Miss is all talk. We might get a streaker or two (pretty common attire for Hotty Toddy), maybe some water bottles or failed empty 25oz can tosses, but aside from that the only thing the Rebels are Running is their toothless mouths.
I feel like I’m going pretty hard on Mississippi right now. Which is okay. I do not know anyone from Mississippi.
This game is for Coach O who is dealing with some health issues. He also said he wasn't going to the doctor because he would die on the field. Could happen at any moment I guess. Geaux fuckin Tigers.
Final Score: LSU 31, Ole Miss 30
Editor's Note: It would actually be hysterical if all the mind-games Kiffin seems to be playing leading up to this game actually are just true. For example, the injury report. Like, what if Sam Leavitt actually just doesn’t play. LSU loses, and Lane Kiffin has a presser where his shit-eating grin is just on full display being like ‘yeah, I guess they’re the better team’ - knowing full well Sam is healthy and they just ate this matchup for the fuck of it. That’s true villain shit right there. Don’t be shocked if it happens.
(11) BYU @ Colorado State: Over 52.5
BYU might put up 45. Need a good 10 spot from the Rams. That's it.
Final Score: BYU 45, Colorado State 10
Colorado @ Northwestern: Northwestern -3.5
Do I just blatantly disrespect Colorado at all times? You bet. On the lake in a rainy and gross Evanston - I like the Big J Journo Wildcats to take this one at home.
Final Score: Northwestern 24, Colorado 20
You know I can’t back away from another #PremiumMemberTickleTeaser after how close we were to smashing yet another exclusive pick just two weeks in. DM’s are open.
Running Record: (384-325-7)
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