The Degenerate Digest v.159
Stop. We need a TIMEOUT. What do you mean we’re already basically a third of the way through the season? Petition to move all of CFB and its fandom to Miller’s planet from Interstellar where one hour is the equivalent of seven years on earth - that way we can reallllllly soak it in.
I wonder if they have crisp, cold, people’s gold on Miller’s planet?
I would imagine they must. Maybe Miller himself slowed time AND created great tasting, less fillings all to enjoy this beautiful dumb sport we hold so near and dear. Time management and ball security. What a legend.
Speaking of waves - I feel like we’ve been doggy paddling out in the middle of nowhere so far. We’ve had our ups, we’ve had our downs, but we haven’t really been able to get any momentum thus far.
The college football gambling landscape is so much different than when I started. First off, gambling is legal outside of Nevada. Pretty massive jump there! Also, because of this, prediction markets, futures, setting insane lines early to really rip off the squares that think they know something before a whistle is blown, all lead to strategies like reverse line movement to be highly suspect. Okay sure, the line opened at x but has moved to y regardless of where the public is - but was the line set inflated before certain matchups took place to incur expected future movement? I’m not sure if that made sense to you, but it does to me.
TLDR: We need to figure it the fuck out.
Yeah, I just did that. For the full fucking slate. We haven’t had a ‘theme’ week yet, and as I said, we haven’t really gained much momentum coming up on the first third of the season. So far I’ve discussed alternate universes with way more ball and beer, and trying to read how Vegas is setting lines. Those aren’t mountains wayyyyy up there in the ALPS dude, those are waves.
It’s an Alternate Line Parlay Saturday.
(1) Texas @ (14) Tennessee: Alt Line Parlay, Tennessee +14.5 & Under 61.5
True freshman Faizon Brandon, while looking sharp to start, is about to get his first test with a true college football defense. Luckily, he will get that at home in Payton’s house. Is the pressure way more of Arch because of that? Potentially. I don’t see this game being a blowout, but I also don’t like how people are reading the line as a clear cut Vols spicy spot. Texas is more experienced (ie, a 4th quarter comeback against freakin Ohio State). Defense owns this one, but Tennessee doesn’t get completely taken to pasture.
Final Score: Texas 32, Tennessee 24
Oklahoma @ (2) Georgia: Alt Line Parlay, Georgia -6.5 & Under 52.5
I really wish John Matier started off this season like he did last year. Do you guys remember that? Before he broke his thumb and became a social media influencer? Electric factory. Unfortunately for John Matier, he broke his thumb and became a social media influencer. You know who eats people who broke their thumbs and become social media influencers for breakfast? The Bulldogs.
Final Score: Georgia 27, Oklahoma 14
(4) Ole Miss @ (21) Florida: Alt Line Parlay, Florida +3.5 & Over 49.5
I HATE this pick. HATE IT. It’s so gross. Ole Miss has all the experience. Trinidad Chambliss may be the best player in college football. Pete Golding went for two and immediately his balls made like the Grinch’s heart and grew ten sizes. Florida, while expected to be on the mend after the Billy Napier experience, only has a beat down to Auburn (aka 2025 USF) on their resume. With that said, the line movement even as of this morning (did I mention I’m finally writing one of these on a Saturday morning), is screaming Florida and the Over. So, I’m ALPing the fuck out of it (within reason).
Final Score: Florida 31, Ole Miss 28
Wisconsin @ (13) Penn State: Alt Line Parlay, Wisconsin +17.5 & Over 35.5
Are we sold on Penn State? No. Just like Oregon (shoutout for me NOT taking Oregon this week (they’ll def cover)), you can never be sold on Penn State. With that said, this is Wisconsin we’re talking about. They are certainly moving in the right direction, but that direction is the edge of the flat earth. Lots to do yet.
Final Score: Penn State 24, Wisconsin 17
(19) Missouri @ (24) Mississippi State: Alt Line Parlay, Mississippi State ML & Over 51.5
Mississippi State might be the best team in the country. I use that term loosely, because what I really mean is Mississippi State might be the new best team in the country. Kamario Taylor is a dude. And even though ‘Boy Blu’ is in his second year as HC at Mizzou in NCAA 2025 - I can’t hide my hate for them after the Kansas game a few weeks ago. Bulldogs, I've got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Final Score: Mississippi State 34, Missouri 24
No #PremiumMemberTickleTeaser this week, but I do have a couple sneaky side plays if you’re interested. Consider the DM’s, open.
Running Record: (387-328-7)
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