The Degenerate Digest v.142

Anyone that has issues with last week's 3-5 record can always submit feedback to our complaint department. 

Some of you degenerates really have no self-awareness. Blasting me for a losing week in an all time winning season to date, and basically admitting that you can’t read. Yeah, that’s right ya hillbillies, ya can’t read. Do yourself a favor, if you can even read this, and go back to last week’s newsletter for the Clemson breakdown. I basically told you to put your blanket, tent, and whatever fentanyl you have left on Clemson. I’m not going to become one of those dweebs who recommends unit sizes on picks. I take the time to give you the pick, do what you please. But seriously, go back to grammar school and learn how to read. 

Anyhoot, this season rocks. Not just from a gambling perspective (shoutout to the non-dipsticks who just went back to back on the #PremiumMemberTickleTeaser), but from a narrative perspective. The SEC has no clear king, James Franklin went from ‘can’t win the big one’ to ‘can’t win’ in a 7-day stretch, The U might be all the way back even though Mario Cristobal hates the general phrase of ‘back’, and to top it all off - none of this really matters because you dingalings don’t know how to read. 

I feel like I’ve really been grinding on the data recently. Reverse line movement, expected value, all that computer shit. I’m becoming the pimple popper I once deemed, a nerd.

I don’t want to be that guy all the time. You know what sucks? Losing bets. You know what sucks more? Losing bets based off data. That shit is *** as hell. 

This week, I’m ripping SEVEN picks based on straight up feel. For those of you wondering, that feeling was the shit sliding out of my asshole at approximately 7:16am this morning. TMI? Whatever. You can’t read anyway. Week SEVEN! 

(8) Alabama @ (14) Missouri: Alabama ML (-158)

I love Missouri. I really do. Especially after seeing what’s what with Penn State. They picked the wrong guy, again. Beau Pribula is having a monthish. I say monthish because the Tigers are 5-0. Last time I checked, there were 4 weeks in a month. Monthish.

The Tide have been trending up up up since that lady didn’t win the lottery and didn’t buy out Kalen DeBoer. 

What is the more likely scenario for a conference that is legit eating itself alive. Missouri comes out of this matchup 6-0? Or both teams post a 5-1 record with the final whistle? The value of -158 (FD, know your books) might not seem like fun, but it stood out to me during my morning brew-ha and the 3.5 is dangerous. Do what ya gotta units wise. 

Final Score: Alabama 34, Missouri 32

(7) Indiana @ (3) Oregon: Oregon -7.5 

Typically, I would look at what happened to Penn State last week against I-Am-A-Leave-A, and say the Ducks are once again fraudulent. Not this time. No way. It’s false.

In a college football landscape that is so malleable week to week, I am starting to believe the Mallards are so organized, consistent, and in a position for it to be their moment. I also think Curt Cignetti is an absolute asshole who needs to be grounded from time to time. On the road in Eugene? Ground that asshole. 

Final Score: Oregon 28, Indiana 17

(6) Oklahoma @ Texas: Oklahoma ML (+105. ESPN, know your books)  

For those of you who can read, you’re probably still pissed about the Alabama ML pick at -158. Well here’s a way to offset value. 

John Mateer is probable for this game. I have a future on the guy to win the Heisman. To be honest, regardless of a potential Heisman winner being back from hand surgery, I still think the Sooners win this game. Why? 

Because Archie Manning will be doing commercials with his uncles instead of playing football in the not too distant future.

Final Score: Oklahoma 27, Texas 21

TCU @ Kansas State: Kansas State ML (+110. FD, know your books)

For those of you who can read, you’re probably still pissed about the Alabama ML pick at -158. Well here’s a way to offset value. 

Kansas State came into the season with some fairly high expectations. They did not deliver. At all. Until recently. In the battle of purple, and wildlife, I think the Wildcats trounce the Horned Frogs. 

Final Score: Kansas State 28, TCU 24

Florida @ (5) Texas A&M: Florida +7.5

I know. I get it. I understand. I have shit on Billy Napier for damn near his entire tenure at Florida. But here’s the thing. The Aggies are 5-0 and Florida’s defense isn’t quitting. If you are still reading (or could even start to begin with), you would know that this conference is eating itself alive. I’ll take the points Vegas is providing me, but don’t cower in fear of a potential ML sprinkle. 

Final Score: Texas A&M 31, Florida 24

Clemson @ Boston College: Clemson -13.5

I’m riding the hot hand on a team that Vegas had as Top 3 national championship odds coming into the season. Dabo just beat Big Titty Billy after the bye, and you would be singing his praises if you only could read.

Final Score: Clemson 45, Boston College 17

South Carolina @ (11) LSU: LSU -9.5

LSU is a good team. They could be a great team. But for today, they remain, a good team.

South Carolina is a good team. They could be a bad team. And today, in Death Valley, they will be a bad team. 

Final Score: LSU 34, South Carolina 24

Why would I stop the #PremiumMemberTickleTeaser now? Can you even read? DMs are open.

Running Record: (340-278-7)